Sunday, November 28, 2010


So, Logan and I have spent the last week spending every day at the hospital with our cute little girl. We tried weaning her oxygen and back up breaths but her CO2 levels sky rocketed. Her poor little body just can't pump enough of it out I guess. So we set a date to take her off her support (that date being today, November 28th), and then spent the week or so before then holding her, taking pictures of her, reading to her, and dressing her in the cute clothes I had been wanting to put her in for so long. We got pictures of her in her little tiny jeans (I didn't even know they made jeans that small!!) with her adorable pink tennis shoes. And the little blue dress from Hilary that was sitting in her diaper back since September, waiting to be her "going home outfit". I guess you could say that the pretty pink dress from Kyle and Alyssa's yard sale actually ended up being her going home outfit. We put her in it to have pictures taken yesterday and today. A non-profit organization at the hospital came and took a whole bunch of really nice professional pictures. Yesterday we had a "family day" and all of our immediate family came up and we got pictures and spent the day with Cadence. Then, today we got pictures of just her, her cute feet, her hands, our hands, me rocking her in my special rocking chair (Thank you so much Janae and Jim for bringing it down for me!) with the quilt that I made for her. It was the rocking chair that my dad got for my mom for mothers day when she brought me home from the hospital. So she rocked her first child/daughter in it and I wanted to be able to rock my first child/daughter in it as well.
          And then, the part that is a bit more sad, we took her off of her oxygen at about 12:30 this afternoon. She had definitely been getting worse over the past few weeks because she didn't last long at all before her saturation levels plummeted. The nurses gave her some medication to make it peaceful for her and we held her there until she was gone. She went home (although not the home I had originally wanted) at 3:09 this afternoon. She was so beautiful even then. It was, however, kinda sad that the only time I really ever got a good long look at her without any tubes or wires stuck all over her was when she was dying. I'm glad she went peacefully and I know she's happy now. Although it was hard to let her go, I know that now she is free from the never ending struggle that she had been dealing with from the day she was born. When we see her again, her brain will be perfect, just like the rest of her already is. No more seizures, no more "episodes",  no more tubes in her nose, no more tubes down her throat, no more needles poking her day and night, and she will actually be able to be herself. I don't think her brain allowed her complete personality to come through the way a normal baby should be able to. Before she was born, she was a happy, wiggly, stubborn little baby and someday we will get to see that side of her again.
              Oh, we did finally get to learn this past week that she has a very beautiful voice. Logan and I heard her cry, just little one breath cries, off and on this week. I'm not sure if it was because she was a bit more responsive in the last week (possibly because she was growing out of her seizure medication dose), or if she was telling us it was time to let her go, or if she just knew we wanted to hear her before she went, or if she was learning from the really loud baby in the bed next to her, but she has the cutest little voice ever.
              Although the last 6 1/2 weeks have been the hardest weeks of my life, they have somehow also been the best (and I know Logan feels the same). Now I guess the next step is to get all of her pictures and put them on here. Thank you everybody for your thoughts, prayers, support, visits and everything else you have done to help. I know that Cadence is where she belongs now and that she is happy. And although I really don't want to have to wait to see her again, I know it will be more than worth it.


  1. Sarah and Logan,

    My heart has been with you all day. Your post is beautiful. I can just picture her beautiful body all dolled up. It is wonderful that you had the opportunity to rock Cadence in the special rocking chair. And, I'm thankful you were able to hear her voice. These memories will forever be a part of you and it will be beautiful when you can see her again in her full self. Hugs and lots of prayers for your family!

    John & Jill Hughes Family

  2. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, and am so grateful that you took the time to post this for all of us to read.
    Yow two are some of the most amazing, strongest people I know. And two of the best parents, ever. In Cadence's short life, she was SO blessed to be given you, as you were blessed to be given her.
    She is waiting for you now. Someday you will be together again. This is why we are so grateful of the temple sealings. Family truly is forever.
    I love you Sarah. And you Logan. Its been years... but it still only seems like yesterday. Stay strong and smile at the good memories. I cannot wait to see all of the perfect pictures of your little angel.

  3. My heart goes out to you. You've been in my thoughts even more than usual all this week. Even though I won't be there tomorrow at the funeral, please know that I will still be thinking of you.
    I'll call you when you guys get back home. I'm available to do anything you need at anytime.
    I know Cadence is with our Heavenly Father right now and so grateful for her strong body and that she gets to be apart of such a loving family. I'm sure she is just as anxious as you are for that tender reunion.

    I'm so glad that you were able to hold and rock her, those are precious moments that will always be with you.

  4. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet little one! I'm a good friend of Heidi's, Logan knows me as well but I talk to Heidi everyday and this story has broken my heart! I have a little guy who is 20 months old and I think about going through what you have gone through and can't even imagine it! You two are amazing strong people. How lucky are we to have the knowlegde of the plan of salvation and knowing where are loved ones are while they wait for us to come home! Good luck today, I know it is her funeral and I pray that you will be strengthened by the sweet spirit!
    Leslee Cook